My Life

Facing fears

I’ve been thinking a lot about fears.
I hear women say they are afraid of makeup all the time and I’ve never really understood it.

But it washes right off?
Why would that be scary?

I just thought “Hey, I guess I’m just fearless cause I totally don’t get that.”
When we were picking a marketing theme for the month at our MC meeting the team brought it up. They were talking about how so many women say they want to try it but they’re afraid. So we spent a lot of time thinking about fears. We listened to TED talks and podcasts, read about fear and tried to identify and ‘face’ some of our own fears. Which of course got me wondering…

What am I afraid of?

Yeah, I’m deathly scared of spiders  (I’m not alone in this, apparently it’s the 2nd most feared thing in America!) but it doesn’t seem very effective to force myself to watch arachnophobia and get a pet tarantula or something. That can’t really be the meaning of “face your fears”
And I’m pretty terrified to sleep alone in a creaky house, but there again…I don’t have a lot to gain by doing so anyway and if I was forced to, I could totally handle it.  That’s when I got to thinking that maybe I was looking at fears all wrong. Maybe they’re more subtle than that, maybe that’s what makes them so dangerous?

Once I really started thinking about it they started coming to me.

One thing that came to my mind was, and I’m really embarrassed to admit this one, I used to take photos for people. I sort of just fell into it. I was always doing makeup and taking photos of the makeup and working with brides and I just started taking photos as well. I had an artistic eye for composition and I understood the basics of photoshop but I had no idea how to work the camera.
Auto setting or bust.
The longer I took photos the worse I felt about not knowing more about how to do it.
But I was too afraid of admitting that I didn’t know at that point to find out! After working it on Auto for at least a year (probably longer) I finally “faced my fear” and asked a photographer friend to teach me some things.
And what would have once been this:


Now became this:

In 5 minutes I had enough information to do a lot of things I could never do on my camera before.
Fear kept me in the dark.

Another big fear I have is not being liked. It petrifies me. But why? Logically I know that people are very different with different tastes. It doesn’t make someone bad or wrong just because someone else doesn’t like them. Nick doesn’t like cream cheese for heaven sake. CREAM CHEESE! I don’t see how that’s possible but it is. If I’m being myself and I’m also being kind and respectful of others and someone doesn’t like me then so be it!

Identifying that and also pointing out the reasons this particular fear isn’t doing me any good kind of inspired me to do something about it.
I’m gonna face my fears and be more worried about saying how I really feel and less worried about what others will do with that information. That’s their business! I want to learn the art of being truly kind and generous with other people’s feelings while still being 100 percent authentic. That’s my goal.

…I’m also going to learn to braid. Because a mixture of fear and laziness have kept me away for far too long.

So now I’ve got to know and reeeaaaally think about it. What fears are holding you back?
do you have any?


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  • Reply
    Fearfully and Wonderfully Made in Michigan
    June 17, 2015 at 5:44 am

    Fear itself holds me back from simple things. Social interaction that would be common for most people can send me into sick-in-my stomach, sweat inducing, head spinning, exhausting panic. Some days I’m brave and carefree days and other days I need help. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all live a life without fear? Although what would it be like… we would indeed be different people. Our fears may have been born with us (depression/panic/anxiety) or cultivated by our world (cancer, death, trauma). I think our fear can also be a gift that gives us compassion, intuitiveness, and a new view on the world that many cannot see. As a elementary teacher, many would think… how/why did you take on a profession where daily social interaction is your day… I think it is my calling from God, to use my talent and my fear to help people grow. Although many do not know I have such fear, it gives me a special gift, a new insight into cultivating our future children to be brave and live life to their fullest potential.

    • Reply
      June 17, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      I so relate to this. I’m a nurse in a hospital and meet new families every day. But I avoid work social events because the thought of having to socialise in a crowd scares me too much gives me anxiety like nothing else x

      • Reply
        Fearfully and Wonderfully Made in Michigan
        June 18, 2015 at 6:28 am

        Amy, I totally understand. I love my job and when I am teaching, I don’t feel anxiety. Little things like riding in a car with a coworker to a training or going to a restaurant can make me panic. Thank the Lord he gives us his grace. I will say a prayer for you… your work as a nurse is so important and is appreciated! Hoping you feel His presence next time you feel fearful. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek help for your fear… so many of us all feel the same way. I wish the wasn’t a stigma that comes with having anxiety, if we could all just be open and share our feelings we could all help each other.

  • Reply
    Kris&Jack Blog
    June 17, 2015 at 6:30 am

    Thank you for all your honesty! I was so afraid to start my blog for the longest time. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there! And I was afraid it was fail! 4 months in and we are going strong and I’m so happy I “faced the fear” a lot of it was because of people like you, so thank you cara!!

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 6:55 am

    I am always afraid people will think I am stupid.

    • Reply
      June 17, 2015 at 3:04 pm

      Me too! Which is why I don’t say a lot around certain people.

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 7:33 am

    I completely agree with what you said about being liked. I believe in being kind and respectful to other, and if someone still doesn’t like me, well that’s on them. There’s nothing more I can – or should- do. It took me a while to get to that point, but man, what a relief it was when I did! Great post Cara 🙂

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 8:14 am

    When talking about fear of being liked, my very favorite quote came to mind that I thought you might like, “You can be the juiciest, ripest peach in the world and there will still be people that don’t like peaches.” All you can do is focus on being your best self for the people who love peaches!;)

    • Reply
      June 18, 2015 at 8:59 am

      Love that quote!! Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 8:42 am

    thank you for this. I have so many of the fears you mentioned as well as above comments. but, what I really need to say is – my husband doesn’t like cream cheese either!!!! it actually makes me angry. haha

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 10:36 am

    I am a very outgoing person but I have always been so terrified to get up in front of others and talk. At one point I challenged myself and did it so much that I got over being scared, but if you don’t use it you loose it, so I’m back where I started! I think it’s so healthy to face your fears, great post! You always make me think!

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 11:36 am

    I’d love it if you could share a few of the things you have learned about photography (especially using the manual settings on the camera)!

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 11:40 am

    Apologies if you’ve already done a post like this, but could you do a post on camera settings??

    Secondly, on fears, I think my makeup fears are that I will use the wrong colors for my skin tone and type, and thus have that obviously-wearing-makeup look. I don’t know why my fear is specifically related to skin products (concealer, foundation, blush, etc.). I’ll wear any crazy color of eyeliner or eye shadow once… Maybe it’s that skin products cost more? Or that it’s more obvious when you’re wearing the wrong shade?

    As far as non-makeup fears, um, I guess that I will say the wrong thing and accidentally hurt someone’s feelings.

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 11:53 am

    This is why I believe people are scared to use make up. When a person chooses to change how they present themselves people notice. Whether it is wearing a skirt when people are used to seeing you in jeans and start asking why you’re so dressed up or doing something with your hair. Change makes people uncomfortable and uncomfortable people forget their manners. As a woman who is 5’8″, I’m tall but not extremely so, my male coworkers comment when I wear heels to work. On a rational level I understand they are feeling self-conscious as short men but on a human level I feel like they are picking on me and attacking my femininity for being too tall. I had a coworker ask me who I was trying to impress by wearing heels with my skirt to the office. Fortunately I’ve always wanted to stand up for myself against jerks so I looked him dead on the eye and said, you! He felt embarrassed and shut up.
    I had another kinder male coworker ask me why I felt it necessary to wear heels. I asked him if he thought penny loafers would work with my dress to the office?he said that he guessed it wouldn’t. When I worked at home Depot I changed from my 18 year old sparkly purple eye shadow to a natural brown and a male coworker asked me if I went to Nordstrom for a makeover. When I dropped my expression and raised an eyebrow he apologized and said he thought that was a thing and he thought I looked nice. The young man didn’t know how to give a compliment. As a confident 36 year old working mother I get shared observations about red lipstick or retro hairstyles. As an older lady,I give people the benefit of the doubt they are awkward rather than intentionally rude, however,the attention can be uncomfortable. It can be scary to change your appearance and have to field questions about intent and what you are trying to prove and who you are trying to impress. My pat answer now that seems to be well received is, it’s fun to try something new from time to time.

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    I’m one of those weirdos that is totally scared of makeup (among lots of other things). I loved what you did so much at Click that I’m afraid I won’t be able to replicate it!

  • Reply
    Krista Mcmillan
    June 17, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Hi there, I just wanted to let you know about an incredible blog for learning how to braid. It is She gives great tutorials, and I love how she is braiding on herself. It helps me see how to place my hands when I’m braiding my own hair. (Because it’s different than when you are braiding on someone else;) I hope this helps!!! Good luck!!! PS I Think you are SO SO talented, and thank you for sharing your world with us.

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    I am often afraid of what people will think of me, and I hate this about myself. It is something that I am working on each day though because I know that I need to do what is best for me and my family 🙂 Thanks for sharing your fears!

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    I have an intense fear of being alone. That I’ll be forced to spend time with myself. And that I don’t like myself. Except this time around, I’m realizing that it’s because I don’t actually know me. What I like or who I am, kinda like on Runaway Bride when she doesn’t know what eggs she likes, but only what the men in her life liked. But I’ve never done anything about it because of my fear of looking like a fool when learning or trying new things. But we all start somewhere, right? Just last night I signed up for pottery classes and a painting course and I think I’ll look into taking evening classes at the local college.

    This post is just what I needed, right when I need it. Seems that way every time I read something from you. Thank you for being willing to put yourself out there for all of us. You’ve helped me personally more than I can write in a comment.

    • Reply
      June 18, 2015 at 9:36 am

      Before I got to the part where you said you just signed up for classes, I was totally going to suggest that! I enjoy being alone, but rarely rarely get to do it– I have 3 boys and I’m also that personality type that serves others and am fine with eating whatever eggs I need to make for them. I never stopped to consider what kind I like. I am taking a college art class right now and it’s online so I’m not with other students which is what works for me with kids, but I LOVE how much I get to know myself better through it…from what I pick to draw, to the colors I choose, I learn to understand myself and my preferences and sometimes it’s surprising– in a great way! Also, most people are afraid of looking like a fool. If you can get past that to take something that looks interesting you may find you’re good at it. If you can’t– take something that makes everyone look like a fool!:) Taking classes, not just art, has done a lot for me. You’ll see what a big world it is out there and oddly enough, that makes things LESS scary…to know more and more, all the while understanding that people aren’t looking at you waiting for you to mess up– there’s too much other stuff to look at out there! And about the not liking yourself thing…the great thing is you get to be whoever you want. You can change anything and everything. You spend 100% of your life with yourself, it’s worthwhile to become someone you like. Something I didn’t like about myself?–I hated how I felt toward myself when I regretted something so I have worked very hard to change things and live a life that included very little of that. I don’t let opportunities go by that I will regret not taking. I do my best to let the things go by that need to and keep my self control. Ya know, making the decision now that future you wishes you would. I’m still figuring myself out, but who am I? I like green, I drink my coffee with milk, jojoba oil/pilates/The Power of a Praying Wife are my life trifecta, I eat way more cheese than is recommended, I can’t do cartwheels, I don’t drink enough water, I’m addicted to Goodwill, I love to read, but hardly do, but I just finished Tina Fey’s “Bossypants” in like 2 days, I don’t do Facebook, I have to look up stuff about the actors while I watch a show/movie, I keep my makeup time to about 3 minutes, and I like my eggs scrambled…topped with avocado and salsa…and some ham and cheese if I’m feeling fancy.

      Who are you, ladies?

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    I think women are “afraid of make up” because they feel that maybe it wont look perfect so people will then look at them and think “oh, look at her, she tried and it looks horrible, what a (fill in the blank)” I have heard that from some tom-boy friends as to why they don’t dress more feminine and I think it would apply to make up too.

    • Reply
      June 18, 2015 at 4:57 am

      I feel like this inside when I get really dressed up. Like “this is her trying to look her very best, and that’s all she could do?”. It kind of feels like you’re putting on a disguise. Maybe this is because I grew up not a tomboy but sporty and not really wearing dresses much. I don’t feel like this about makeup since I’ve been playing around with it my whole life…

  • Reply
    Emily W
    June 17, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    Interesting that some people are afraid of makeup. I am afraid of being seen without it! I have been since I started wearing it as a young teenager due to acne. I will never forget the first time as a teenager I talked with someone without makeup on (got stuck in a conversation in the park bathroom while camping) and this lady just looked at me like I was any old normal human being which blew my mind away. Like I thought I was so ugly she’d sneer at me with no makeup on or something. I’ve gotten much better about it and much more confident but I still don’t leave the house without it!

  • Reply
    Miki Nyckel
    June 17, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    What a lovely post!! Well said 🙂 I’m glad you finally took the leap and took advice about photography. We all have natural skills, but they still need to be honed. Haha I’ve also never been afraid of makeup, I love it. But I can see how it can be intimidating for some. It isn’t a ‘natural’ skill for some people. And that’s why you’re so wonderful, you help us out! And I’m not usually afraid of what people think of me either. But I think it’s normal to worry that you’re not liked. Some people worry more than others. At least you seem quite rational about it 😉 I’m deathly afraid of heights. I mean deathly. I laugh at people who say they’re afraid of heights, but then can go on a roller coaster, or jump off a cliff into water, or stand at a window of a high rise and look out … etc. Riiiight … I don’t think they have a clue what a fear of heights truly is! I can’t do those things, I’ve tried. I literally am frozen in place with fear. But I have also had hypnotherapy for my fear, and it has helped me greatly. I have to travel up a glass elevator regularly in a high rise building, and now I am not plastered to the inside wall, I can stand at the glass and look out. 🙂 This is an immense achievement for me.

    • Reply
      June 18, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Love this Big Bang Theory quote…

      “A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary”


      (And of course I turned to my husband and said, “HA! See…”

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    I think the being scared of makeup is all about the comments people make. Someone else posted a comment about this too. People can’t handle change & don’t know how to handle it when people change their look. When I was experimenting & learning with techniques & looks from this blog i decided to try eyeliner for work one day & a colleague who doesn’t really wear makeup said loudly in a room full of other managers that it looked like I was wearing clubbing make up. She didn’t mean to be hurtful but I was embarrassed & angry. Now that I have changed my makeup around & tried a number of looks & improved my skills I don’t get comments anymore but it was awkward to deal with other people’s comments & opinions when I was trying new things out.

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Wow Cara! I didn’t know you wanted to learn more about braiding. How ironic since I sent you a few YouTube video links on braiding about a week ago that I thought was cool! 🙂

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    It would be fantastic if you could share the 5 minutes worth of tips for how to use your camera in manual mode. I’m also stuck on auto and would love to learn how to take better pics! Thanks so much!!

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Awesome. Nicely said. I loved this article! Fear is my middle name. Ha Its a problem.

  • Reply
    June 17, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    My biggest fear is to never have my parents or husband proud of me. I love to hear that they are proud of me when I have worked hard on something. I don’t need to hear it to function and finish massive projects, but it’s like the chocolate chips to a peanut butter cookie.

    As fas as the makeup fear, I’m cautious to go and buy the skin matching products without consulting someone (and usually taking my mother or sisters) to find the correct color. I don’t have a lot of money to spend on multiple products to find the right match, and not many drugstores take returns on used make up. Since, matching and samples are usually offered at higher end places, it turns into an expensive investment. I know that it will be the right color, but I then make sure that the product lasts for months.

    P.S. I love your blog! And your hair tutorials make me wish I hadn’t gone Pixie.

  • Reply
    June 18, 2015 at 4:50 am

    I can’t wait to see your braids! They are so much fun to learn!

  • Reply
    June 18, 2015 at 9:11 am

    have you seen Sue Bryce to discuss FEAR? you can find her speak on this on You Tube and Creative Live. amazing 🙂 I found you by one of her followers. 🙂

  • Reply
    Kristi Beth
    June 18, 2015 at 11:46 am

    Fear stops me from doing a lot of things. I have been able to overcome some things, and it always feels amazing to do that, but there are some big things that I’m not sure how I can ever overcome. I know that fear doesn’t come from Heavenly Father though, so being able to focus on having faith rather than fear helps, even if it isn’t easy.

    Kristi | Be Loverly

  • Reply
    June 18, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    I love your commitment to being authentic. I would say that my fear definitely holds me back from doing this as I am so ingrained to have an “appropriate” reaction to things. For example, if someone makes me angry, I tend to smile and tell them it’s fine and then choose to limit future interactions with them instead of becoming angry. It’s silly because rather than embracing people’s flaws and allowing them to embrace me despite my own, I really end up holding others at arms length.

    As for the photography skills that you gained, I think that is completely awesome! When I begin teaching a class for the semester, I always tell me students that the only stupid questions are the ones that you talk yourself out asking. Learning is something we do our whole lives, but we can’t learn from people if we don’t ask them to teach us! Gathering the courage to admit that you don’t know something is tricky, but people are always flattered when you identify them as someone who knows enough about something to be capable of teaching others!

  • Reply
    June 19, 2015 at 12:04 am

    I think fear is just an arrow pointing at what we need to focus on and overcome in our lives. I love this post so much and am thrilled that you opened up about your feelings. It’s beautiful to know that you’re still so human after all of your success. You’re a genuinely sweet, kind person, but you are 100% right that you don’t have to be afraid to speak your mind. It’s yours, if you don’t speak it for yourself, who will? The people who matter will still be there at the end of the day even if you’ve said something that isn’t what everybody wants to hear. It has to be done, sometimes. There’s no possible way that you’d get carried away by it and become the queen of the dark side. You have too much light in you. Just be you, beautiful!

    I’m afraid of so many things! I’ve recently started my own business, but it’s very small. I’m like a turtle, and slow and steady wins the race with me. I’m going super slow with it, and it’s an online business anyway, so it’s easier to work my regular 9-5 and then come to it after that and work on it a little at a time. I’m hoping for big things for it, but i just wouldn’t be me if i jumped in head first. Conquering fears doesn’t mean jumping off the deep end all at once, right? Or maybe that’s just my fear holding me back. Eventually I will get to a place where I feel comfortable putting my whole focus (and financial livelihood, i think that’s the kicker), into it.

    Good luck on conquering your own! I know without a doubt that you can 🙂

  • Reply
    June 19, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    “If I’m being myself and I’m also being kind and respectful of others and someone doesn’t like me then so be it!”

    Amen!!!! Easier said than done, but you said it perfectly! As I get older, this is a truth I have recognized and strive to follow.

  • Reply
    June 20, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    Great post. I also hate cream cheese. I’ll only eat strawberry cream cheese. I’m having my hairdresser teach me to braid. Glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how. I so appreciate you’re honesty. You’re a doll.

  • Reply
    June 24, 2015 at 10:30 am

    You have to check out the book “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown. She has given TED talks about her research and practice, and it’s totally in line with what you arr talking about and why we fear feeling vulnerable. My sister recommended it and I’m halfway through. It’s good stuff!

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