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Looking back.

I rarely look back.
I guess I’m so focused on what’s going on now and what I’m planning for the future that I don’t stop long to think about yesterday very often.
But every once in a while, when I’m looking through photos & videos I see something like this:

And I really miss the past.
It hits me that whether we keep what we have or we don’t, time still takes it away eventually. Things never stay the same.
I still have a little boy named Christian, but I don’t have that 2 year old little boy any more.
Friendships that were once so strong fade away and you loose touch. People grow up, move out and move on.
Life changes, relationships change, I change.

Thinking about that makes me a little sad. Makes me a little panicky, like I want to just freeze it all.

But the other day, for the first time, I thought of something that changed the way I see it.
I realized that once I’ve had something. Loved someone. Been somewhere.
I never really lose it.
Once I’ve had it I will always have it. in my heart. in my memories. in my photos.
I’ll always have my newborn Christian.
I’ll always remember how he smelt and how it felt to hold his tiny little body and to love something more than I ever thought I could.
Those moments are mine and nothing, not even time, can take them from me.
Instead of feeling pain for what I’ve had that I no longer have …
I’ll celebrate the memory. The experience. The way it touched my life.

I think it’s important to live in the moment. But I also think it’s important to remember the moments in the past that made you who you are.
To cherish them, look back on them and talk about them often. To enjoy them all, all over again.

Because you can. because they’re still yours. to keep.

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201 Comments

  • Reply
    Sandy
    April 10, 2014 at 4:42 am

    I’m sitting here at work at 6:30 am and I am crying after reading this thinking of my girls who are growing up so fast. Perfectly said!

  • Reply
    Andrea
    April 10, 2014 at 4:45 am

    Perfect.

  • Reply
    Kathie
    April 10, 2014 at 5:01 am

    Beautifully put

  • Reply
    Eryn P.
    April 10, 2014 at 5:19 am

    Such a beautiful post. I think everyone can relate in some way <3

  • Reply
    Tabeja
    April 10, 2014 at 5:20 am

    Exactly what I needed to hear at this moment!

  • Reply
    kathleen
    April 10, 2014 at 5:31 am

    I need to imprint this post into my brain. It is how we really should look at life. Thanks for saying it even though it made me cry.

  • Reply
    Janice
    April 10, 2014 at 5:39 am

    Thanks for this! My third is 2 and I am soaking in all the little moments because I know they pass so quickly. I have found that I cherish the videos I have of all my 3 at different ages. We’ll all sit for a rainy day afternoon of home videos, and yes, I’ll cry, but because I love all those memories. It puts me right back there in an instant.

  • Reply
    Anj
    April 10, 2014 at 5:46 am

    I have been feeling the same way lately. We will never be so loved by our children again, we need to cherish these moments and as you said, keep them in our hearts. Thanks for sharing this today. 🙂

  • Reply
    Brooke
    April 10, 2014 at 6:13 am

    I’m in tears over here. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Today my husband, myself, and our 2 kiddos are moving out of state and away from our families and friends. It hard to leave the people I love behind. I’m struggling leaving the house I brought both of my babies home to and the memories that have filled the rooms. Instead of being sad, I’ll try looking at things the way you mentioned and feel blessed that I have the opportunity to take those moments with me. Thank you Cara for once again posting something amazing at the perfect moment that I needed it!

  • Reply
    RNA
    April 10, 2014 at 6:15 am

    Add me to the list of ladies you made cry with this post! I am going through a pretty difficult breakup and this post struck a cord with me.

    Thank you.

  • Reply
    Emerald Earrings
    April 10, 2014 at 6:28 am

    This is so well written and such a beautiful perspective. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  • Reply
    Kara
    April 10, 2014 at 6:29 am

    This was beautiful! Thank you. We are planning a move to another state soon and it has been hard to know we are leaving behind people and places we love and knowing that time will change friendships when we are no longer right there to share and see the day to day. I needed to hear and remember that even though things change they are still mine. Thank you again!

  • Reply
    Becki
    April 10, 2014 at 6:36 am

    I’m learning to wear waterproof mascara when I read your posts! Touching, heartfelt and very much needed right now! I’m going through a rough transition in life and this is exactly what I needed!

  • Reply
    Anna Silvestri
    April 10, 2014 at 6:41 am

    I really needed to hear this message today. Thank you for the inspiration, encouragement and spreading beauty…the external and internal kind 🙂

  • Reply
    Alexandra
    April 10, 2014 at 6:41 am

    This was beautiful. You’re an awesome person, Cara.

  • Reply
    Derika
    April 10, 2014 at 6:54 am

    I am so glad that I found your blog. I’m new here and this really touched my heart. Thank you. 🙂

  • Reply
    MiSt
    April 10, 2014 at 7:14 am

    The business of life is the collecting of memories.” -Herb Gardner

  • Reply
    Diane
    April 10, 2014 at 7:43 am

    Exactly! That is how I function, since my girls and grown and gone. Thank you

  • Reply
    Chelsey
    April 10, 2014 at 7:50 am

    Such a lovely read to kick off the day!

  • Reply
    katy
    April 10, 2014 at 7:55 am

    I loved this. It made me tear up as a mom of three I agree that its the only healthy way to live…

  • Reply
    Beth and Beauty
    April 10, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Oh! You made me tear up with this post! You are so correct in what you figured out and it is the only healthy way to live, but it isn’t always so easy to do. My children are grown and married and now I have grandchildren and I have learned to cherish every moment and just take one day at a time. Until I have a bad day……LOL!! Had to try to lighten it up a little….I would love for anyone who would like to learn more about me to check my blog out also.

  • Reply
    kelly
    April 10, 2014 at 8:49 am

    So true! I think about that with my children everyday. Definitely brought a tear to my eye.

  • Reply
    Kathy
    April 10, 2014 at 8:58 am

    I have a busy day to get to, but I am sitting on the couch snuggling my granddaughter. Your post today confirms to me that I am doing just what I should do. “Stuff” will wait but she’ll grow up too soon. You are wise beyond your years. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. You write beautifully!

  • Reply
    Emily
    April 10, 2014 at 9:01 am

    Beautifully worded! Brought a tear to my eye too! I have an 8 month old daughter. In a way it seems like I had her just yesterday, but in another way, it also seems like she’s been a part of me forever.

  • Reply
    Holly
    April 10, 2014 at 9:35 am

    Will you please write a book on life, beauty, and everything in between? I just love your words 🙂

  • Reply
    Emma
    April 10, 2014 at 10:11 am

    What a beautiful post. I could have written the first part myself about my 4 year old boy. Time is flying by with him, too fast. You made me feel less sad about it with your words. Thank you, Cara.

  • Reply
    Laken
    April 10, 2014 at 10:17 am

    Thank you for this! I was just barely feeling so sad about my 5-month-old growing up too fast. You have brought great comfort to me and undoubtedly to my husband, as I will not be begging for another little baby just yet.

  • Reply
    Rachel
    April 10, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Our little boy turns three on Saturday, I needed to hear this! Beautiful!

  • Reply
    Rachel @ My Adventures as a RInderknecht
    April 10, 2014 at 10:30 am

    wonderful post! i couldn’t agree more 🙂

  • Reply
    Mia
    April 10, 2014 at 11:22 am

    That is one cute kid!

  • Reply
    katie
    April 10, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    well said 🙂

  • Reply
    Corrine
    April 10, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    This was exactly what I needed to hear today as a very best friend is losing his battle to cancer. I have to be thankful for the memories, the pictures, and the experiences we shared.
    Thank you ❤

  • Reply
    Christy
    April 10, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Oh my, Christian is precious. I was just looking at 2-year-old videos of my own last night and reveling in my thoughts and memories watching them. Sometimes you don’t realize what you have until you look back at it all. At the time you are caught up in life. I take an embarrassing number of photos and videos every year and I don’t ever regret a single one of them. I can delete the ones that are blurry or weren’t meant to be taken and all the others I still see them when I’m looking through things for something and I never wish I hadn’t taken so many pictures.

    The post was well written and I felt so good reading it today–thanks for sharing, Cara! And I can imagine how good you felt writing it, getting those thoughts out. That’s what blogging is all about. This one touched my heart in ways you could or would never know. Your message as a whole (in this post) is acutely spot on for me. Thanks again for sharing. I love checking your blog. Am particularly waiting for the hair tute you promised on insta! xoxo

  • Reply
    Angela
    April 10, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    This is a beautiful post. As a mom, it’s so wonderful to see your children grow, but it always hurts your heart as well. This brought me to tears. It’s so true-the days are long but the years are short.

  • Reply
    Courtney
    April 10, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    This was beautiful. Thank you. I needed this.

  • Reply
    Feel Wunderbar
    April 10, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Perfectly written, Cara.

  • Reply
    Haili Hunter
    April 10, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    I love this! I was just looking at some old videos of my now 3 year old of when he was in the nicu and when he came home. It’s so fun to have those.

  • Reply
    Tamera Rima
    April 10, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Thank you Cara !!! I Love your Heart!!! So so True!!

  • Reply
    Kelly
    April 10, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    He is so freaking cute and I agree!

  • Reply
    Becca
    April 11, 2014 at 6:50 am

    I really needed to hear this today. Not only because my son is nearing 2 and I’m already feeling panicked that I’m going to forget his babyhood, but also because of other life circumstances. I didn’t really want to cry at work today, but I’m so glad I read this. Thank you for being so…you. 🙂

  • Reply
    groceryshrink
    April 11, 2014 at 7:48 am

    I’ve been having these feelings too. My oldest is 14!!!! and my baby is 2 with lots of babies between them. Life has been so busy that I felt like I blinked and they are grown. I was watching a friend with his young daughters last night and realized it was happening to everyone. He was experiencing the same time that I was,; it was going by just as fast for him. And somehow I took comfort that we were all on the journey together.

  • Reply
    Lana Shvartzman
    April 12, 2014 at 7:16 am

    Beautiful and inspirational, thank you..

  • Reply
    Heidi
    April 12, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Cara-
    I feel like we might be on the same wave length right now. Although most of the other commenters have younger children I am the mother of 2 wonderful sons (as I start to cry writing this). My oldest is 21 and my baby is 19: both seniors respectively in college and high school. I could not be prouder of both of them, they are amazing young men that have been nothing but joy to my husband and myself. What has been most difficult for me is that I miss my oldest (2hr away at college) and knowing what it is like to miss him so much I am anticipating missing my youngest (who will go off to college only 30 minutes away in the fall). I was sitting in the sun today and realized this is what it is suppose to be like. we get all those years of those tiny feet, night feedings, that sweet little 2 year old voice and all those questions that we think will never end, okay some kicking and screaming and teenage angst- but overall it is so wonderful and we have memories to cherish. And if we do a good job they go out on their own, they are autonomous and independent and make a life of their own. And then, here we are a couple again living in this house that is too big and wondering what we will do next. But I know I still have all those wonderful memories, pictures and videos that I love to listen to that little voice Listening to Christian was like heaven to my ears- it is amazing that even their voices change and then they have the voice of a man!
    Anyways all I can say is enjoy because it does go faster than you can ever imagine and you will look back one day (this happened to me last week) and you will see a young mother with 2 little ones and you will gasp because that was you 15 years ago and wonder where the time went.
    Oh and by the way- I want to make it clear that although I have a 21 and 18 year old I still feel 21 years old.

  • Reply
    laurahavemercier
    April 15, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    I don’t even have kids and I’m bawling.

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